i day dream a lot when i'm alone.
have been on my own for the main bulk of my time here in LA for the past 2 months. i eat alone, go to school alone, do work alone... and there can be days where i go without talking to anyone, save for the cashier when i order food or the random person who shoves flyers into my hands along the pavements. i have grown accustomed to the silence, i think. and i'd like to think of how i'm a strong, independent person - "i can walk down LA streets alone at night in the freezing cold" - and so i should totally be able to manage this.
though there are days like this when the solitude scares me. i really think loneliness can kill somebody. not saying that i'm suicidal or anything but, it's getting extremely difficult. i don't think a lot of people appreciate that.
but anyways. i just realized that the longer i'm okay with being with myself, the more awkward i am with people. LA is supposed to teach me to be more social, not more autistic damnit.
have been on my own for the main bulk of my time here in LA for the past 2 months. i eat alone, go to school alone, do work alone... and there can be days where i go without talking to anyone, save for the cashier when i order food or the random person who shoves flyers into my hands along the pavements. i have grown accustomed to the silence, i think. and i'd like to think of how i'm a strong, independent person - "i can walk down LA streets alone at night in the freezing cold" - and so i should totally be able to manage this.
though there are days like this when the solitude scares me. i really think loneliness can kill somebody. not saying that i'm suicidal or anything but, it's getting extremely difficult. i don't think a lot of people appreciate that.
but anyways. i just realized that the longer i'm okay with being with myself, the more awkward i am with people. LA is supposed to teach me to be more social, not more autistic damnit.
