i have a theory. i think you're intentionally being mean and spiteful towards me because you want to stay angry with me, make me out to be the bad character so you don't remember the soft echoes of your yearnings. you hold on to my mistakes and construe everything i do as selfish, two-faced... typical. that way, you won't remember the good sides of me, the things i did right by you. the things that you miss about me. you build tall walls, but your resolve isn't strong enough so you turn towards hate. because you do know me, and you know that i'm nothing like that.

and i totally understand. because when red was all i saw when i thought of you, i didn't have much space to reminisce about anything else. but then once i let go... once i decided that you were more than the things you did and that i was actually capable of being the bigger person, it all went away. just like that. and i became soft again. soft and motherfucking weak.