leaving the past

it's hard to admit, but yes i've always been somebody who holds on very dearly to my past, especially the people i've loved and lost. and people who know me well enough know how hardly hit i can be when something like that happens. friends who've seen me through my worst times: crying, vulnerable, weak. i take months to fix my broken eyes and finally return to normalcy... and usually it takes tons of support from my closest friends to prop me back up. i know some people might wonder why there's a need to be so emotional about things like that; after all, people come and go in your life. but i'm just like that, i guess. for me, every close friend means a whole lot so if and when i lose them it becomes a double whammy because it's like getting your hopes raised after countless disappointments in your life and then getting abandoned by people you love the most. the most recent one was a catastrophe; one that reduced me to complete shambles. i don't think anyone can ever (or ever did) completely comprehend how badly hurt i was by it... and it has just been a shadow i've been living in for the past... 10 mths? gosh.


... but today, after four months of being in a relationship, i finally realize i don't have to carry that burden with me anymore. and i shouldn't let that ghost of a person in my head stop me from loving the one in front of me. it hasn't been a totally smooth-sailing journey but you taught me that it's okay to leave my fairytale story because life isn't always going to go your way, it's going to be mean and unpredictable and difficult. the point is, we're going to have to slowly work through it together. and that's how we grow from this a much stronger person (: