If you have something against me, come straight up to me and tell it to my face.

seriously people, we're not in high school anymore.

I know I sound angry as hell (and I probably have good reason to), but more than anything else, I'm just feeling really heartbroken right now. had a rude wake-up call when I realized that the people whom I had called my close friends turned out to hold such unsavoury opinions of me that I had only just learnt from someone else. these people didn't even have the decency to call me out on whatever it was that they didn't like and try to solve the issue in a mature manner. the only inclination I had that something was wrong were the abrupt coldness, the blank stares whenever I said something, the obvious exclusivity.

I felt like I was bullied out of the group. and suddenly, it was high school all over again. people were spreading hurtful rumors about me and alienating themselves away. I was so neck-deep in my own insecurities that I questioned myself every day if there was something truly wrong with myself that could turn so many people off.

and then I grew up and learnt that you can't please everybody all the time. everyone's got their own set of haters. and it stopped being such a big issue what others thought of me. I am me and there's nobody else I would rather be. if anybody had any unreasonable criticism about my looks/my personality they can go screw themselves.

anybody who's known me well enough know that my friends matter a lot to me. like, a lot. I don't have a large number of people I would consider as my friends, but those that I do, I care a lot about. and when these 'friends' turn out to betray me like that, I cannot pretend to be ok with it. I don't even understand why they would still want to hang out with me if they had such immense dislike for me. what's the point of being with people you don't like?!

so at this point of time, I have to confess I'm feeling jaded. because it's been happening so many times in my life that I'm honestly goddamn sick of it.

thankful for the friends who still stick around and has been for a while <3 you guys are my biggest and only source of support and that's really not an overstatement.