reflections post

it's friday afternoon and i'm back from china eating an apple in front of the computer listening to augustana and taking in the luxury of being in my own room at last (: kinda am in the mood to be poetic i don't know why, maybe it's because reading about heartbreaks struck a chord in me and in the depths of my consciousness some semblance of emotions long buried start to take shape... i haven't actually reflected upon my life for a long time. maybe i've reminisced over some past experiences but i carefully eschewed probing deeper and trying to figure out what in the world is wrong with this heart. and as if growing stronger from this wilful repression, the ghosts of my past still haunts me, though they no longer have any power to hurt. i'm convinced i've moved on but why they still appear in my dreams, i don't really have a clue.


... zz hahaha this complex ball of messed up emotions. sometimes i wonder why i make my life so difficult. or maybe it's just in my nature to think a lot about stuff. though being there for someone and having someone there for me has made me a whole lot happier (: truth be told, it's a very natural and amazing feeling to depend on someone like that, because you know that he has become such an integral part of your life. but loving someone also makes you vulnerable... sometimes it gets so bad that it leaves you helpless and tired of this world, and maybe even want to hurt yourself. it's as if you're holding hands circling around a bonfire and once in a while you hurl yourself in just to watch yourself burn. it's crazy but it makes you discover a lot about yourself in this way. so it's learning process i suppose? but anyhow, well it's going good it's going strong no regrets at all (: