numb.

not ready to write a proper post about how i'm feeling yet. right now i'm a perfect picture of calmness and control - so much so that it scares me. i have an inkling of how much this is going to hurt so i push that thought to the furthest corner at the back of my head and carry on with life as much as i can. went through a massive cleaning up of my toilet this morning. highlighted my hair. (though quite phail) i know i don't have the right to even reflect about how miserable i am because i know how infuriating it is to read something like that if in your shoes. that's why i won't. and i won't let myself lose control in front of anyone, not even myself.