they say our lives are defined by moments. and if there was any moment in life that really taught me the true meaning of love the painful way, it was last night... that was an emotional roller coaster like none other. it was so crazy because the ambivalence was too crushing: there was a sharp, numbing sorrow, there was a deep sense of guilt, there was an overwhelming sense of love... and they were in a constant flux within me throughout the 8 hours that the four of us spent together. july 1st; i won't forget that date. that day was the day my entire perspective about my life changed... and i realized life was much bigger than some of the things i let consume me. how certain relationships proved to be even more important to me than i ever cared to admit, as well as how insane it was that there were people out there (people i care so much for) who loved me in ways i can never possibly start to fathom... and they never once tried to let me know.
i'd do anything for the people i really care about, there's no doubt. but to see that i'm actually the cause of anguish for some of the closest people around me, that really hurts.
