archives

so i was going through my blog archives in search for this particular conversation i posted:

- [黄城夜韵2009] [ŁMĊ] alvin- and i'll carry you all the way says:
theres never such a person la
but i have ppl who listen and care
thats rly enough
then the rest that ppl cant understand, u have to work it out urself
but at least ur nv alone

i asked him, don't you wish to have someone who can always be there for you? and it really hit me, what he said. it's true about the part where 'the rest that people can't understand you have to work it out yourself.' after all you're the only person who truly understand what you need and want. but just because other people don't understand doesn't mean you're alone.


...


i think i sound happier in my archives. haha idk. seems like even when i was emo-ing i was still being the childish, crazy me by blogging about stupid stuff that happened in my life. and to a certain extent i was engaging and intelligent. well more than i am now anyway. my heart feels too one-dimensional, like i'm shut off from the usual happiness i get from being around my closest friends. this is destructive because it's dominating my whole life, i know. it's destroying who i am. my thoughts my feelings my opinions my body. the reason why i've been sounding so optimistic is because i survived on listening to happy songs and doing happier stuff so i don't get affected by someone's moodiness. but then i get all knocked up for doing the other things in my life that i am blinded from my purpose and i wonder, "why the hell am i hanging on for?"


is it worth it?